Why Strandlopertjie?

Yay…I started my own blog! I can hardly believe it. For a person like me that is totally clueless when it comes to IT stuff, this is a big milestone for me.

First let me explain where my name Strandlopertjie came from. A “strandloper” is a bird that you get at the sea. If you translate it directly from Afrikaans to English, it is a “Beach walker”. And that made me think of how much I like to walk on the beach. It has such calming effect on me. When I walk barefoot on the sand while watching the sea water coming and going, it makes me feel so peaceful. Make me feel that everything will be ok.

And this reminds me of a poem I came across. This fertility poem that was written based on the traditional “Footprints in the sand poem”. This was very special to me as I was always very font of the original poem. It was now just so much more special as this one was wrote by an infertile person. Below is the poem:

Foot Prints in the Sand My Infertility Journey

One night I dreamt I was walking along the beach with my Lord Jesus Christ; He and I were talking about IVF, infertility and other hard times in my life.

Suddenly many scenes from my journey lit up and flashed across the sky. Now, I thought that through it all Jesus never left my side.

But to astonishment, in each scene, I noticed our footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints in the sand, and other times there was only one, But Jesus I said, I don’t understand.

During the lowest points of this journey, when I struggled, when I desperately longed for a BFP. When I wanted to give up, so frustrated, wondering why this is happening to me. Wondering how one word could make me feel so weak.

One word, so unnoticeable to others yet huge to me: INFERTILITY.

Lord this bothers me, you promised me. You said that if I had faith through this: you would always walk with me. That’s what you said. So why is that when I needed you the most, you weren’t there for me?

Look Jesus there is only one footprint; look there; and there too. All I wanted was a baby and it hurts because those were the times when I really needed you.

The Lord looked at me, His eyes full of love and replied, throughout this journey, when you see only one set of footprints, was when I carried you. There was never a single moment you endured this alone, I was there the whole way through. And I will be there at your next egg retrieval and egg transfer too. But most of all I’ll be there to share your joy, when I make your dream come true.

I love you

So I see myself as a little strandloper walking on the beach, sometimes wondering where my journey is taking me. Sometimes wondering where my God is when the days get dark and my heart is crying out for help. Just to realize, my God carried me in those days and no matter what He will never leave me on my own.

So this is me, Strandlopertjie trying to make sense out of this TTC journey, while walking hand in hand with my God and knowing that He is in control of this.